Hi, my name's Alexis, and starting now, my pronouns are she/her/hers and it/it/its! You can use either for me. I'm a girl.

I've been testing it/its pronouns in some more private circles for a little while now and am pretty happy with them, so now I'm going public. I'm still not 100% sold on them - think of this like a public beta - but at this point I figure I'm more likely to confirm them long term than cancel. Writing this pastebin has only made me feel more strongly positive about these new pronouns.

This paste is mostly directed at my average cis followers. Mostly fellow speedrunners, people who don't interact much with the weird details of pronouns and that sort of stuff. If you're trans yourself, there probably won't be any new info here about pronouns, but I do talk quite a bit about my mental health and such things, so maybe you want to learn more about that.

It/its pronouns are strange, contentious, and unusual. My pronouns are my pronouns and I can make them whatever I want. This paste is mostly focused on why I've made this decision. I want to be open and honest with y'all about what's led me to where I am.

So let's dive into the questions you probably have:

HOW? But Proto, it/its pronouns are for like, bugs, and robots, and things that are less than human! You can't use them, that's not how it works!

Here's the thing - pronouns are a convenient shorthand that you use instead of someone's name. They're completely arbitrary and only exist to serve the comfort of the one they refer to. That's the fundamental theory of preferred pronouns! You get to use whatever cluster of syllables in place of your name that you'd like. So if I want a cluster of syllables that some cultures traditionally associate with non-sentient creatures, I can do that! Woo!

WHY? Why would you want to use pronouns that are demeaning and dehumanizing like it/its? Aren't you the one who always talks about how much you love being a girl?

I've prepared four answers of varying lengths and depths for this question. Feel free to read as much as you'd like.

The short answer: Because I want to and they make me happy!

The medium answer: it/its pronouns feel right to me. They validate the way I view and interact with the world around me and make me feel better about my place in it. They are the same as she/her pronouns for me in that they just fit.

The really, REALLY long and personal answer:  There's a few specific reasons that I'm choosing to adopt it/its pronouns.

In the past few years of my life, I've gone through a very long process of reevaluating the way I perceive and interact with the world. As a trans woman with late-diagnosed autism ans generally poor mental health, everything is just kinda.... different for me. The way I process sensory input, my experience of gender, my socialization habits, et cetera, are different. I often feel like there's some sort of barrier between me and the world. Not one that I can't see, hear, or touch through, but something that blurs and distorts and filters my interactions with the world around me. I feel that a lot of the ways I was taught to act and perceive just don't work for me. In that sense, I don't feel like I work the same as a normal human, and the "dehumanization" that it/its affords is kind of validating!

One particular intersection of my strangeness is my feelings on the purpose and design of the universe and of myself. I have a really, really, REALLY hard time accepting that things aren't perfect. That millions of years of random chance maybe didn't craft a world around me and a body for me that work all that well. If I get sick, that's just how it is, and it sucks, because my body sucks. When I have horrible, crippling anxiety, body dysmorphia, soreness, pain, you name it, it's just there, and it'll probably go away, and probably come back again. There's no reason for it or end to it. I have a really hard time dealing with that. The universe feels so fundamentally broken and unfair. I can't help but think maybe we got the short end of the stick by having to deal with abiding by the rules of this place. You get the idea, maybe. It hurts. A lot. I've been fighting these feelings of fear, hopelessness, and disgust for years and they're not going away. Maybe I haven't done the best job of explaining how I feel, but just take my word for it - it sucks.

So I've had to come up with some ways of coping. I really like robots. That's something you probably know about me. For my whole life they've been around, whether it be Star Wars or Megaman or LEGO Mindstorms or whatever. In my worst hours, I find comfort in their perfection. Sleek metal, intentional, carefully tested programming, working exactly as intended with no strange blips. If there are strange blips, they get diagnosed and fixed! Permanently, even! Robots are really beautiful in that way - they're clean, and intentional, and they make sense. When I'm saddled with fear, hopelessness, confusion, disgust with my own body, whatever, sometimes I map that robotic perfection onto myself for comfort. If I could have sleek metal in a good, sensible shape instead of weird flubby soft skin, bug-free programming instead of a mess of weirdness carved by millions of years of random chance evolution, then things would make sense, and I'd be happy?

If that doesn't make any sense, I understand. I like pretending to be a robot. It helps me overcome my bad emotions. It's a bit odd, sure, but is it really that bad?

And what pronouns does a robot get by default but it/its?

Then, combine that with the first justification I mentioned, and the validation that it/its affords to my worldview becomes two-fold. By using it/its pronouns for me, you're saying:

1. I understand that you work differently, I know it's hard for you, and your struggle is valid.
2. I believe that the way you handle your emotions is valid and okay, and I'm happy to let you dabble in your fantasy of robotic perfection because you deserve to find happiness and overcome your struggles by whatever means necessary.

Okay, that was really long, and very personal, and probably really strange for most of you. Life is hard and we all have our ways of getting through it. In a sense, using it/its pronouns on me is a sign that you understand my struggles, and that sort of solidarity means a lot to me.

The shortest answer: i'm a beep boop!

THIS IS HARD! Proto, I'm not used to using it/its pronouns on people, and reflexively have difficulty with it because of the way I've been taught that they work!

That's okay! I'm still also using she/her pronouns. If you can't fully wrap your head around it/its, then I would honestly prefer you not use them, because then it most likely, even if unintentionally, still comes with a tinge of that harmful dehumanization that it/its implies to most people.

I'M CONCERNED! Proto, I think what you're doing is bad and wrong, and that dehumanizing yourself isn't okay, and you should probably get help.

I've been thinking about this whole thing for a long time. I promise I've considered the full ramifications. Please have some faith in that I know what I'm doing. But you're right, getting help is good! We should all get help because this world is super fucked.

OK BUT REALLY, WHY? Proto, I'm a super good trans-friendly person who believes that people can use any pronouns. I'm so woke that I've come all the way around to see that alternative pronouns like it/its actually harm the trans community by providing a vector for dehumanization and taking the community down.

I don't care what you have to say, truscum. Go away. Bigotry does not need a reason to exist and will continue to exist whether or not I use weird pronouns.

CONCLUSION / tl;dr:

My name is Alexis Eve or Protomagicalgirl. I use she/her/hers and it/it/its pronouns. I'm a beep boop, probably. It's odd, I know, and probably not something you're used to, but it/its pronouns feel good and right and make me happy, and pronouns are dumb so that's all it really takes to make a usage of them okay. I'm still also a girl. Just a strange girl, I guess.

Thanks for reading this! I know I'm not the best explainer. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask, and I'll do my best to answer.

With love,

Alexis