..........w...x.. ..a...b.......... ............¤.... ...@¤........@... ..........y...z.. ..c...d.......... ................. v h v h a: 2 11 w: 3 7 b: 2 7 x: 3 11 c: 2 11 y: 1 7 d: 2 7 DEFENSE? ................. ................. ..........a...... ...@¤........@... ............¤.... ................. ..........b...... two @ same time = blockade ■? + × ○ ¤ 1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 ++ = ○ +× = @ +○ = ■ +¤ = 46 = -? ....... ....... @○...○@ ....... ....... 6 + ○ = roses are red and i'm just terrified to live in a world in which i am not @verified call me vain if you'd like i don't really care but i will call bullshit when things are unfair ego = caring about your reputation. being a good writer is so cool fuck write down ideas. thaats a good thing. this is such a millenial way to teach. way to tweet! i mean. damn i feel like im very high... but idk if thats good to say. damn i had a tgought wait weird that forgot sorry.... good weather? i like good weather fuck me high shit.... we're just a piece of the universe is what we are. i'm just a spoiled bit h and you know it and i'm sorry but, let me .i can fucking hold my thoughts in this thing what are we all are we trying to build? a fkin wall?avji i guess we are trying to control our world more. craving Power im fighting for my life can you all see my ego now? am i a child? childlike.. i'm a dreamer. i'm justa spoiled bit h & you know it. nd i'm sorry but let me we're starting to really define ourselves more... being a millenial.. i mean. ah thats the problem... ive started to become defined in tbe public eye.. by =THEM= And I want everyone to know i ha e fought so many battles you have no fuckimg idea ivr fonr so much fuuck! im alriht. & you should let me do me i dont ask for much, really. its like i want to be able to just do my thjng. i do amazing shit and i font eanf to hsvr to sell it to you. hahahahaha those who hate me: and that me desiring my own life is somehow not a worthy pursuit. fuck you [those who hate me] [me desiring my own life] fuck you *kaboom, ego destroyed* but I want my own life. i do i want it plea...? hmm this is weird lolol wat ? iz this what marc rutzou talks about lol its weird idk how i feel about it everythinh is on track should be okay. damb im sxared of my wenemies damn looks like a dick i thi k im keepinh my dick. but im a girl now. so deal with it a softer meta dancin dancin you know notepad is a pensieve right? its somw dope shit so shall my existance be funded? i'm a fuckin artst i gueds so hard to type i wanna do my shit while the fucking techbros save the world i am creating my own experience we can do it though. studio apt 9something soylent. 300 mayb3 we are gods crafting a reality its the fucking meta. ok ex: releasing this text on twitter will cause other humans to read it its all information, using our brains to crunch it and create another reaction the universe!!! im watching the town hall bernie hillary sometimes i take other data and interpret it i guesz i vaped weed tonight. i wonder if this notepad is relevant its fun to write, though and its fun to see the positive interaction. the negative interaction hurts. i wish i could stop the negative interaction. its definitely affected my attitude towards the world. i want to purify it and turn it into a clean stream of positive interaction and yet im addicted to it i constantly take in the negative interaction in small amounts i seek it out! i find it. i mentally interact with it and critique the critique. privately. i really try to barely interact i just read it, and think about it. i get lost in myself. i love myself and want to survive so these disparaging remarks are sgit i had a thought and lost it. sorry. i wish i had some slave codegirls cuddling gets me high and i need a game programmed haha look at that laziness! coding sux man. it aint effortless i wanna coast on my thoughts gliding across, creating as i go!! how brilliant that would be! fuck. seems possible, too. in time. but we have a lot of work to do. shit. it feels like im flying close to the sun the more calm of an environment i have the better!!! fuck mate basically all i ask for is current modern technology so i can do my shit heres the problem look i want the positive without the negative. i want to feel good i want to work on my awesome sjit so leave out the negative. i shall define what my negative is i will build a shell consisting of what i love and allow in nah this is too much? am i asking for a lot? do i deserve it? i am not great enough" to be given this Power. i still dont get it though. i want cuddling (oxytocin) with cute freaking girls spooning and touching until i find myself in the ground state it is blissful but sonetimes i want to move and it can be erotic and want to suck girlcock blowjobs are a skill and i am skilled fuck you haters super deepthroat waz a fun game anyway fuck its so hard tovtalk about sex and intimacy and maybe its my fucking catholic upbringing damn i came out as trans at 26. so late if i wanted to look better. even though i had been thinking about it for a long time. "youre not a girl" ugh thats what the people who dont understa d will say. i am creating my shell. i'm just doing it past what some folks find acceptable everyone does it though. just different amounts (and in different forms) consciousness - coherent information? god is thinking just let me be just let me be damn i just read it all back. it is a good read, i think? have i caused you to feel anything? happiness? sadness? anger? im scared of your response to me but it feels so good to type this. i feel in control. narcissa is a badass bitch. Melee. I was amazing at Melee, not at first certainly. snex came on GameFAQs and would start arguments with his threads claiming, "tiers exist!" which really meant, "there is imbalance. some characters are better than others." I was a young G&W main, and I especially liked his down tilt. I could actually combo into a forward air. I didn't know much except that I had been drawn to G&W away from Kirby, who, as a fuck. theres so much and a lot of it is boring maybe I don't particularly know the best way to describe to you my entire journey I could try, but, theres really so much. === 9 years later === Ughhh its too hard to compress this massive fucking journey. I don't want to write an autobiography about Melee. I'm making a final video. Out of 100% tourney&mm footage from the days before the streams where it was a privilege to have your battles recorded. Where I made people estatic from my victories and was truly great. I played Zelda I dashdance camped I abused my shield I reinvented Zelda vs Fox & Falco and got results although even as I type this I feel people will try to tarnish my rep and make me feel lesser. me? my reputation? my ego. it's the negative interaction. i can already anticipate it. there are so many talented and dedicated smash players. fighting game players. moba,fps, but not just GAMES! talented artists, musicians everything though. you can be Good at arbitrary data (see speedrunning) and it can be seen and respected and then the critics start observing and trying to pick apart why is this person respected? respect can lead to $$$ and a lot of people could use some $ so I guess the critics, they observe the power struggle and try to influence it with bullying tactics. just today, a new drama, egos flying this game is no joke the twitch game the internet game to acquire power i like twitter a lot but i feel sad my follow count is down. i'm not verified. and the follow drain won't stop. i guess people see that i'm building this shell and are seeing themselves out isn't that what i want? a shell with less? pieces of what i've done have spread and sometimes not kindly but if i'm totally in a bubble is there paranoia about what is outside? completely sheltered. safe. and I can do what I want but this feels wrong? or not? i don't know what I want. but ive written so much. wonder how this might be interpreted by the internet. Narcissa darling how could you be so selfish it feels possible with the right technology hell, look what twitter can do. we live in an amazing time but so much more is possible if we can figure it out together? some people would resist. i worry of war, climate change security, ageing, death I might be kinda religious because it seems any future is possible, but there's so much that can go wrong i'm terrified but I feel really calm about it right now. i know im a human with human problems. and i guess it seems selfish of me to want to spend my time how i please. like i'm somehow freeloading but i hope that my presence on the internet can be valued. (fuck this sounds so lame) but i mean it when i say so much is possible in time. the universe is awesome but i feel this whole spectacle has been so lame? the more i think about sharing this document the less genuine it feels like im appealing to yall. tryin ta sweet talk ya. barf am i right or what? Kappa god what a rant i think i'm failing to convey how i feel like im being not purely genuine now. maybe i'm running out of steam i looked over this document and laughed. idk what that means. what is laughter anyway? what does it mean??? and everything in between i'm just a spoiled bitch & you know it. & i'm sorry but, let me. - Narcissa Wright P.S. i have a sore throat today & it sux. P.P.S. i'm working on making 100 mario levels and it's creative & fun! i'm following the GE007 meta, i'm buying a PAL supported CRT, to speedrun CV64 Carrie (maybe 1 run per day, no reset), i'm enjoying the new smash, i want to eventually get going on making an online game (probably in chrome for now). sethbling said he'd be down to teach me a bit about neural networks. also i'm still in the process of moving in and setting up my life so i still may not be streaming for awhile.