i dreamt that i was in illinois and went to a venue where they occasionally had tournaments. i forgot why i was there, but due to a random coincidence, a top player of smash (wii u) walked in.

we were sort acquaintances but hadn't gotten a chance to play cause i'm so rarely at any events. this seemed like a cool opportunity to play with them, test my ability, and fix wrinkles in my gameplay. they said they were free for a couple hrs and there was a smash setup available so we go to play on it.

it was some modded version of the game with alternate textures and actually had a bunch of optional balance changes, along with a terrible UI to toggle various modded parameters of the game. i just wanted to play vanilla smash and not this mess, but in order to do that they had to go get their Wii U instead. so i ended up stuck waiting and didn't get a chance to play, it had been snatched away from me in that moment.

i would have loved to have had some good matches with them, preferably recorded. part of me wanted to win some of them, as Zelda, and have that footage available, a sort of ego-fueled victory that solidified my greatness.

the dream was kinda hazy and i was having a lot of negative thoughts about the entire experience, which i was tweeting as i was thinking them. the dream continued and my thoughts had been seen. my tweets were seen as whiny, irritable, and negatively impacted my reputation. my relationship with the top player waned and i felt like my actions had been negative for everyone, an insecure part of myself shown in bad taste to others, despite being an honest expression of thoughts. 

i realized i was dreaming and then i woke up. it was overall calm (probably due to the xanax i took before i slept), but it reminded me of times where i have damaged my reputation in the past, whether that was my fault or not. like my emotions and inner thoughts are unfavorable to others. this hurts because it feels like thoughts are such a deep and important aspect of being human.

instead of achieving greatness, my ego had been damaged.